August 29th, 2004

Current Music: Led Zepplin - Tangerine Subject: This is not a test. Time: 01:35 am Current Mood: dorky

Just some revelations Ive recently made or just some shat thats happened lately... * Napoleon Dynitmite = awe-friggin-some. (if you have yet to see this movie, please do so at the next most inconvenient time. believe me, it'll be alot better than that boring job interview. and truely, whats more important, jobbing or laughing. i think thats a pretty easy answer) * Playing army in woods full of posion ivy is defintely worth it. (thats right.. playing army) * Ice cream will not make you fat. (I mean whos definition of fat are we going by? i would agree with the terms: chubby, plump, huksy, and possibly jolly-like but definitely not fat) * I had 4 bowls of Oreo Ice cream today. (all very delishious I might add) * School starts in T minus 2 days. (oh em gee! whos not ready? ::raises hand::) * I can give good hair cuts. (but Ive only tried it on my dog.. and myself. Im not perfectionist when it comes to my hair. so maybe "good" isn't the right word there) * Alcohol citations aren't cool despite what all the popular kids tell you. I've learned my lesson. ( my new book: "How Not to Get Caught by Cops While at a Party" should be hitting a bookstore near you soon. soon to follow - author signings) * No one I know flosses, and yet the dentist stresses how important it is. (weird, b.c. then he goes into telling me how great my teeth look and what an amazing job I've done - "You must floss 3 times a day! ::the i-say-that-to-everyone chuckle::") * Not all guys suck. (nah, just the ones that lead you on for a whole summer, give you roses before they leave for school then tell you.. "Oh yeah, I have a girlfriend. She lives a few houses down from you.") * I've learned to survive without a cellphone. (HA! Bet thats a feat only the strong can handle. Its me and all the olymipic gold and silver medalists. Bronze doesn't really count. I mean, who wants third. Thats like.. "eh, you were 2nd loser, I guess you deserve SOMETHING") * You're reading the work of Micheal Phelps's soon to be wife. (Just thought I should inform you all of that. Hmm.. come to think of it, maybe I should let him know about the wedding too...) * Its time to buy a new computer mouse when the one you currently use only moves up and down. (Theres no side to side action and you have to resort to using keys such as tab, shift and enter. Its not worth the loss of index finger exersize on the scrolling mouse) * White shirts attract stains. (no explaination needed) * Buying a teen magezine (teen people, ym, cosmo..) is just like buying a cassette tape that plays all commericals with maybe half a song here and there. (My mum, the little dear, bought me one tday to my dismay for when I opened it my eyes scanned the entire thing for an interesting article. Not a single one. Unless you count "982739487 Ways to Flirt!" because ALL girls need a lesson in that. Instead, all I saw was ad after ad after ad.. ugh.) So much more to write, but I have to grace my family reunion tomorrow with my presence. (yes, they really do exist outside of movies)

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August 5th, 2004

Current Music: "The Bitter End" - Placebo Subject: Life as a little girl Time: 01:16 am Current Mood: mellow

A smell of a thousand summers filled the room. The little girl with big blue eyes just skipped through. Her tassled brown hair bounced on her shoulders as she hopped down the steps. Six thirty two the clock in the hall read. She reached the first floor and ran to the front window. Seconds later, bright light filled the peach colored living room and her lips parted as a smile came across her pretty little face. Her heart began its daily routine of cartwheels. A truck door slamed, heavy footsteps from work boots were heard on the wooden porch, the green front door creaked as it slowly opened. There he was. The giant with teddy bear hair, ocean blue eyes, a slightly crooked nose, red string lips that revealed his pearly teeth and the goofy gap between them, an old button down stripped shirt with the sleeves rolled up on his strong forearms, grease stained blue jeans, and those big yellow boots. He looked at the little girl who had been waiting for him and streched out his arms so wide he could have held the earth. Into those arms the little girl ran as he lifted her to the sky. His scent of a days hard work filled her nose. She closed her eyes and held him tight. He closed his eyes and squeezed her back. Their embrace ended, her head left his shoulder, and she was back on earth. Daddy was home. He patted her gently on the head as he walked to the kitchen. The little girl followed him like a duckling. Mommy was in there. She had been cooking dinner for some time now. Her faced was flushed and her eyes were red. Thirsty, he got a glass and made himself a tall glass of milk. He drank it quickly, placed the glass in the right side of the sink and left the kitchen. "Why didn't he hug Mommy", the little girl wondered. No one spoke during dinner. Forks scraping against the blue plates, ice rattling in the cups as one took a drink, and faint chewing noises were the only sounds to be heard. The little girls feet kicked back and forth under the table. Mommy looked so sad. Daddy never looked at Mommy. Little girl fed her chicken to the dog at her feet. It was her job to clean up after dinner. She got her blue and white stool that Daddy had made her from under the kitchen sink and placed it on the rug. Stepping up, she was able to reach the faucet and began to hum while washing everyones dishes. Dad went downstairs. Mom looked out the window into the sky. The green soap made lots of bubbles. The dishes were drying on the blue and white checkered towel next to the sink. Little girl walked slowly over to Mommy and grabbed her hand. Mommy never looked at her, but a tear rolled slowly down her cheek. She kept looking at the sky. The little girl let go and walked to the basement door. Daddy was down there. She crept down the steps and peered under over the railing. There he sat, blankly staring at the moving pictures in the grey box. "Why does he look so empty?", she thought. She sat on the stairs and scooted down until she reached the bottom. He looked lonely on the red couch so she shyly walked over. Little girl sat next to him and grabbed his hand. Daddy never looked at her, but a tear rolled slowy down his cheek. He kept looking through that gray box. Bedtime came. The little girl took her stool to the bathroom and brushed her teeth. She changed into her pink footie pajamas and crawled under her quilt. Mommy came in first. Her eyes were puffy and red again. She smelled like the little girl when she fell off her bike and cried for hours. A kiss greeted the little girls forehead. "Don't forget to say your prayers" Mom reminded. On her way out, she turned out the light and shut the door half way. Daddy came in a few minutes later. He pulled the string in her closet and the comforting night light came on. He sat on her bed and held her close. She hugged him back. He held her longer than normal. And when he pulled away, his eyes had water in them. He kissed his finger and touched her head. The little girl rolled over as he walked out and shut the door. ::to be continued:: __written to me via email by best friend rachel. she'll finish, she promises__

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July 31st, 2004

Current Music: Oasis - Champange Supernova Subject: ... We all fall down ... Time: 01:25 am Current Mood: touched

She had given him her heart. He carefully took it making sure no one could harm it. She marvaled in his gentleness. For so long his warmth made it glow. Then one day, he stood before her holding out his hand. In his grip was her heart, bruised and broken.. with his name carved in the middle. He no longer wanted her heart. He longed for something new. Something that wasn't given but had to be captured. He wanted to steal someones heart. Love had become a game for the young man. No more was it filled with emotion and passion, for now he thrived on lust and immediate satisfaction. She watched him from a distance. Her heart bled for his attention. She saw through his mask of deception. The light of boy she once knew dimmly lit his soul. He was fading away. All she wanted was one last kiss, one last tear, one last memory. And all he wanted was someone to love him. Not for his heart. But for his looks and charm. She waited. He moved on with her heart in his back pocket. The air was stale. She felt empty. He felt twice as strong. Seasons changed four times over. She saw the boy. He looked distressed. A hug she thought would do the trick. She leaned her head on his shoulder like old times past. There in his pocket she saw her tattered heart. It was not fixed, only withered and frail. She gently pulled it from the deniem and knew just what was needed. The two, they parted seperate ways. She left for her her room to mend her feeble heart. He left for his room to weep over his loss of true love. He only realized how much he loved her when she had taken back that wretched heart. He knew she was capable of making it pure and beautiful again. He thought back to the time spent without her. It was time without love. He took his own heart out from the drawer next to his bed. On the gray and dusty heart was her name, deeply ingraved. He had forgotten love. She had remembered all the while. In her softly lit room, the girl stood in front of the mirror holding that ugly torn heart. She began to pray. That heart of hers burned in her hand as Gods love swirrled around. It shined red hues and grew strong. The pieces had been mended with the gentle words of God. She admired her heart she had one almost forgotten. And there, in the middle, was his name ever so faint. He had caused her much pain. But the name of the one who molded it back to life and held it together with care was now inscribed. She beamed with love. He faded with sorrow. He watches her from a distance. His heart beats for attention. He sees her content without love from a mortal. The light of her soul shines brighter everyday. She is glowing with life. All he wants is one last hug, one last smile, one last memory. Copyright 2004

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July 27th, 2004

Current Music: a crickets chirp Subject: and yet again another day has passed me by Time: 02:01 am Current Mood: blah

life is beginning to drull on. is drull a word? i don't know but it sounds like what im describing. nothing excites me anymore. how depressing. people appear odd to me. this society we live in promotes confusion in my thoughts. how am i to make it through this fog? when will it clear? i often wonder if i see the same world you see. or does everyone preceive things differently. tis a mystery of the mind. fake smiles are over rated

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